The very concept of the affair dating site Ashley Madison is something that many people struggle to understand. Why would you go online to actively seek an extra-marital affair? And what kind of experience can you expect on a site like this? If these are questions you want answered, please continue reading my personal review.
For the uninitiated, this certainly is a doorway into a whole new world! This is a dating site yes, but not as you know it. Ashley Madison have the electric feeling of an underground and secretive meeting place for people with one thing on their minds. Whether that makes you feel ill-at-ease, or excited and aroused will depend very much on your own experiences and personality!
But suffice to say that this site is not only for those looking to cheat on their wives. Not only that, and nor should you necessarily judge everyone present by the same standards. There are a lot of reasons for sites like this to exist.
And if you’re going to use an affair site, then there are none better than Ashley Madison. This is a site that has been built extremely well, that comes packed with features, and that places security and safety at the very top of its priorities. In other words, this is a place where you can feel comfortable meeting other people with the same things on their minds. And it’s a place where you don’t need to worry about people not being who they say they are, or about card details going missing!
If you’re ready to try something new, to explore uncharted territories, or to find an outlet for all that pent-up sexual frustration… then Ashley Madison might be a good place to try out. And even if that doesn’t describe you, there are other reasons you may want to take a look.
Why Use Ashley Madison?
As mentioned, there are lots of reasons to use this site, which can go beyond the stereotypical bored wife/husband looking for a bit more excitement in the sack.
The site lists itself as a “covert dating site” that is intended for single or attached individuals who are looking for in-person and online sexual encounters.
This immediately opens up the possible uses of the site. This is a place for discrete dating, but there are LOTS of reasons that you might be interested in dating under the radar.
Perhaps you’re currently at the end of a long relationship and you’re going through a messy breakup? You need to find someone new in order to get over that past flame and move on – but you don’t want to rub this under the nose of someone who is still living with you. Moreover, you don’t want to provide ammo for a court case if it comes to a divorce!
How about someone who is simply unhappy in their long-term relationship? Someone who feels trapped for whatever reason, but isn’t being sexually, emotionally, or spiritually fulfilled in their current situation?
Then there are people who can’t date publicly for other reasons. Those could be cultural, or linked with family pressures. Perhaps it’s to do with who you are – a famous celebrity perhaps? Or maybe it’s just because you are interested in types of relationship that you would rather not make public.
There are even couples on the site actively and knowingly seeking polyamorous relationships!
And yes, there are people here too who simply enjoy the thrill of dating in secret.
The point is that love and sexual attraction take many forms. And dating somewhere private and discreet ensures that you can enjoy whatever form your own sexuality takes. It also offers an injection of uncertainty, risk, and electricity back into the bedroom.
Whatever the case, the concept is clearly popular, as the Android app alone has over a million downloads!
Overview of Ashley Madison
Ashely Madison was founded in 2001 and is probably the best known adultery site on the web. It has won a number of awards for its functionality and design, and is generally considered one of the safest and most useful tools when it comes to affairs and other types of secretive relationship.
When you start using the website, the first thing you are likely to notice is that it is extremely simple in terms of its design.
When you first arrive on the site, you’ll see a full-screen image of an attractive woman holding her finger to her lips: it tells you what the site is about and what the mission statement is.
The only really disappointing thing about this initial experience, is that there is no way to browse the site freely without signing in or opting to “view matches.”
Once you’re into the site proper, you’ll find that the layout is still very simple and straightforward. It is intuitive to find your way around, and this is good news for someone who wants to focus on the relationships rather than the UI.
Actually, this also has the benefit of being quick to use when it needs to be. If you are browsing the website and you don’t want anyone to see, then you might only have a few moments to steal until someone comes in and catches you in the act. The fact that this interface lets you very quickly find what you’re looking for and then get out is a great bonus and not to be overlooked!
The site uses an attractive grey and pink colorscheme (it works better than it sounds!). This has the slight feeling of being an exciting and underground site, but without being in-your-face or difficult to read. In short, it looks good and helps to create the right mood, but without falling into sleazy territory, or being style over substance.
My Experience on Ashley Madison
I was chosen from the team to review this site, as someone who was willing to pursue extra marital affairs.
My husband and I have been on the rocks for a while now, and we’re really sticking together largely for our child. We spend most of the evening part, and the sex stopped months ago. We both know the other has found relationships outside of the marriage, and we have an unspoken agreement to simply not ask about that. We’re cordial yes, but we’re not lovers anymore.
So while I don’t feel a moral obligation to my husband, I also didn’t want to risk my activities being detected (to avoid a seriously awkward conversation) – and certainly not by my young daughters!
So I waited until my husband was away with the kids one night in order to set up the profile. I must admit that I found the whole experience to be very exciting and sexually charged. I’ve used dating sites before, but there is something very exciting indeed about using one that is built around secrecy and sneaking around.
Signing up I found to be easy and straightforward. It was refreshing being asked some less probing questions. With the emphasis on secrecy and privacy, you feel much more confident holding back information – which means you can present the version of yourself you want to. This was extremely liberating for me, as someone who has had to repress a lot of my sexuality for the past five years.
Something I found particularly arousing, was filling out the section marked “My Most Intimate Desires.” Filling this section out flooded my mind with possibilities and got me extremely aroused at the prospect of finally having some of them fulfilled!
God, why didn’t I do this years ago?
With everything set up, I spent the evening with a glass of wine, a packet of cigarettes, and my laptop. I browsed through a number of profiles and had some very exciting conversations with the kinds of guys I would never normally expect to meet. These guys came from all walks of life, ranging from young men who had settled down to early, to highly successful entrepreneurs and businessmen who wanted to keep their activities hidden for a host of reasons.
There were some really interesting characters and stories here. I spoke to a fair few women too – and I got the impression quickly that there is a thriving gay community on the site.
In fact, the community vibe here is particularly good in general – and better than most dating sites. I think this has something to do with the secretive nature of the site. Everyone here is in the same boat, and that creates a real sense of camaraderie. We relied on one another in order to stay safe, and being able to see feedback from others on profiles was an especially useful tool.
I had “phone sex” (I use quotations as it was through the laptop) that very night. It felt amazing.
I did find that I struck up a particular bond with one of the guys I spoke too though, and so I carried on messaging him throughout the following weeks. That was another good experience: the app is as easy to use as the website, and is perfectly discrete. My fear was that I was going to get a ping while sitting in a meeting and then have one of my nosy colleagues looking over my shoulder!
This was not the case. Instead, I could check the messages in my own time – using an app that looked entirely nondescript and roused zero attention when my husband was playing with the phone.
There’s an extremely exciting feeling though going to squirrel yourself away somewhere so that you can check your phone. The women’s toilets are of course my go-to!
Eventually, I decided to meet with the guy. I told my husband I was going out with friends and may stay out at one of theirs. He didn’t ask any questions.
Instead I met a guy who shall remain nameless at a bar that was crowded and out of my usual hangouts. I’ve rarely been so excited, and I wasn’t disappointed! I spent time making myself up to look as hot as possible – something I haven’t had cause to do in a long time. I wore dark red lipstick, high heels, and a pearl necklace.
When I met him, he looked just like a guy from a romance novel: he was in a suit and looked like he’d just come from work. We chatted all night and flirted, which was immensely arousing. My confidence has never felt higher!
Ultimately, we parted ways that night and he walked me to a cab. He was a complete gent and I can’t wait to meet him again next week!
Of course, your experience may vary. Your impressions of any dating site are always going to be colored to a large degree by the people you meet there. For me, it was an amazing experience. And I have the community and tools of Ashley Madison to thank for it. I’m sold!
Features of Ashley Madison
You shouldn’t let that simplicity in design fool you. There are a lot of great features here, which include all the usual tools such as IM, chat, messaging, and a call option. It also lets you create extremely detailed profiles that can contain all the information that you might need to share on a site like this.
Other useful features include a baked-in feedback section, as well as the ability to see who has viewed your profile.
This is the best kind of minimalism – everything you need and nothing you don’t, presented in a manner that you can instantly understand.
Of course, what’s most important for a site like Ashley Madison, is that it be private and secure. If you are using the site, you are likely doing so because you want to be discrete. We’ll talk about this more in an upcoming section, but suffice to say that if privacy and confidentiality is important to you – Ashley Madison has you covered.
So, Ashley Madison comes packed with all of the features that you might need for a fully functioning dating site. This is very welcome news for users, as it means that you aren’t making a compromise in order to gain the privacy you’re looking for.
There is a very real risk with adultery sites that you end up being forced to avoid the biggest and most popular sites (like Tinder) because you need that privacy. You then end up using a second-rate product that is lacking many of the quality-of-life features that other people get to enjoy!
But with Ashley Madison, you get all those tools and more.
From Sign Up to Being a Member
Hopefully you’re starting to get a good picture of what Ashley Madison is, who it is for, and why it works as well as it does. If not, please read more from their blog.
But to really get a picture of what to expect, it can be useful to go through the process of actually getting set up and then meeting someone. This is particularly important for a discrete dating site like Ashley Madison, as it gives you a good idea of the kind of information you need to share, and what measures have been put in place to keep that information secure.
So what is the experience like?
Well first, you will need to choose your sexual identity, relationship status, and sexual orientation. You will then be able to complete a sign up process that involves choosing a username and password, selecting a location, choosing a greeting, and selecting the type of interaction they want. This process takes about 30 seconds and is very quick, easy, and simple to do.
Next, you will need to select your height, weight, ethnicity, body type, etc. You’ll use an email address, and you’ll be encouraged to upload a photograph. You will use your username and password to sign up, rather than your email, which is the first of many smart decisions from a security standpoint.
Once you’ve filled out the rest of your profile, you’ll be able to search for other users as you would do with any other similar site. When you find the profile of someone that you’re interested in, you’ll then be able to send a message, send a “gift,” start a chat, or call them. Users can also add profiles to their lists, so that they can find them again easily in future.
Some great options on the profiles page for helping you to find the right kind of partner, are the “My Intimate Desires” section, and “My Perfect Match” section. Each profile will also show a “feedback” score from other users. That means that if someone has a bad interaction with another user, they can leave feedback and thereby warn others about that.
Safety and Security
What’s more, is that there are a lot of features designed specifically to help improve security and safety. There are a lot of these.
For example, confidentiality is ensured thanks to features like member identification through the backend of the system using profile IDs – not a username. This keeps fields starred out, and that information is likewise hidden from other users.
In short, you don’t need to keep typing in your email address – and you never need to tell someone your name unless you want to. Why not choose a sexy pseudonym?
The site uses industry standard security features like SSL and the strongest data encryption for personal information that you’re likely to find. It also makes a number of other smart decisions. For example, the app uses a discrete icon so it won’t stand out in your app drawer, and has biometric security features.
Likewise, you won’t receive emails that could land you in trouble. All these things ensure that you can date on your terms. In fact, they’re features that can benefit someone who isn’t even that concerned about their privacy!
The site is also run by a very respectable organization, that clearly takes customer service extremely seriously. Our experiences with the team have been nothing but positive. Check out their FAQ page. Payments are rapid and secure, there are no hidden costs, and they take complaints and reports extremely seriously. You can always get in touch with someone quickly, who will address your concerns quickly and discretely.
Pros and Cons
- Excellent confidentiality features
- Very secure
- Trusted company and well-known brand
- Excellent sense of security
- Easy UI
- Good value for money (for more advanced features)
- No automatic matching features
- Still no accounting for human error. Leave the tab open on your computer? That’s on you!
“I’ve had nothing but great experiences on Ashley Madison, it has really expanded my sexual horizons. Thank you!”
“This site has given me the best time of my life and I am eternally grateful. Should have done it sooner.”
“Simple. Sexy. Fun. Great place to find someone to fool around with.”
“I was a bit nervous to use this site at first and really didn’t know what to expect! The whole experience has been really straightforward though, and you feel that the site is very secure. I’ve met some wonderful people and Ashley Madison really did give me what I needed. I would recommend this site to anyone not happy in their current situation. It’s a real life saver.”
“My husband and I used Ashley Madison to find another couple looking for casual hookups. We had an AMAZING time ;-)”
While the thought of using an adultery site might be one that fills you with anxiety, that anxiety can quickly turn to anticipation and excitement. This site helps to remove those nerves thanks to its simple design, tons of great features, strong sense of community, and very reliable team.
If you are going to use a discrete dating site, you need to be able to trust the systems in place, and the company behind the tool. You can trust this site, and we think you’ll have a great time as long as you go in with an open mind and a willingness to meet new people.
Overall, it’s one of the best dating sites out there, and certainly the best for dating discretely and in private. We think you’ll have a blast!